The Unreliable Witness

At the UCF Book Festival last weekend, another author and I started discussing Point of View (POV) for writing. I prefer third person POV, while she prefers first. She said her narrator is an unreliable witness, so first person creates more drama. I couldn't agree more. It's a tremendous tool and true to human nature. After all, how many of us are reliable witnesses? Our perspectives are tainted by our experiences, so no two views will be the same. A rich person, for instance, will think of a thousand dollars as inexpensive, while I cringe when I have to spend one hundred. To me, the other person's view is unreliable. But who's to say mine isn't to him or her? We all tell our stories as if they're the whole truth, but they're really just partial lies to someone else.

"Things aren't what they seem."

Vivian's words echo in my mind as I walk with my daughter today. Abby has long since fallen asleep in her stroller, but I'm not alone. Not really. Meaghan's been walking beside me for several minutes, though she still hasn't spoken.

"It has to happen," she finally says to me and I do my best to ignore her. We've been having this argument for weeks and I'm tired of it. "It's why I came to you."

This time she has my full attention, though I try not to speak too loudly. I'm pretty sure no one else can see her. "To me? What do you mean?"

"It's why I'm telling you my story, why I've pushed you to share it. It matters here, too."

Here?

"Earth?" I ask.

She nods and turns her copper eyes into the sun. "Sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons."

Now I'm completely confused.

"I'm not done here," she continues. "You'll see soon enough, and I'll tell you the whole story in time. It matters on both sides of the portal."

"Why?"

She smiles instead of responding, though the corners of her mouth look stiff, maybe even cold.

"Meg--"

"It has to happen," she repeats, then I'm alone with my sleeping child once more.

I hate when that happens. It's not the first time and I know it won't be the last. Ærenden has been a twenty-year roller coaster ride for me. Ultimately, I'm in control of the story, of where it goes and how it ends. I know this, but sometimes I wonder...

Who's the true unreliable witness here?

Meaghan?

Or me?

In Case You Wondered: How to Play Palidane

Palidane, the card game that Cal, Neiszhe, Nick and Meaghan play while they hunker down inside the cabin in The Gildonae Alliance, only exists in the kingdom of Ærenden. If you've looked for it online, you've probably already discovered that fact. I intend to write out the rules someday so everyone can play (and finish designing the deck of cards), but that side project has been waylaid by writing The Zeiihbu Master. Hopefully I'll be able to front burner the project this summer, but in the meantime, I want to share a deleted scene from Chapter 28 of TGA below, which details the basics of the game. I cut it to speed up the pace of the book, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the game anyway. Have fun! And please let me know if you decide to try it at home.

As always, forgive the rough draft :).

Kristen

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Neiszhe began dealing the cards again. Ten to each person, Meaghan remembered. Though she still had not figured out all of the rules for the game, the basics were easy enough to grasp. The deck of cards they played with consisted of two sets each of four suits – black cats, blue dogs, red rabbits, and gold birds. Each suit had thirteen consecutive numbers. She needed to collect two pairs, and a run of five cards in the same suit. She could lay them down as she collected them, but then other people could play their cards on hers. It seemed a good strategy to hold the cards in her hand as long as she could.

Over the course of the game, she also had to ensure she traded cards with every player once. She had to request a specific card by name, and then trade it for one of hers. If she saw them pick up the card from the discard pile, she could guarantee she requested the right card, but if she did not and requested a card they did not have, she had to collect five cards from the draw deck as penalty. Those cards could only be used once the person to her left started laying down cards. The first player to get rid of all of their cards won.

It seemed confusing at first, but Nick assured her it would become clearer with practice, and that eventually she would know enough to win games. She wondered if she would ever get the chance. Nick was not joking when he said that Cal won every hand. She found his luck to be frustrating, and began to wonder if people hid cards up their sleeves on this planet as they did on Earth.

Picking up her cards, she sorted them. They looked promising. She already had one pair of sevens and three cards, although not consecutive, that came from the same bird suit. If she drew well, she could connect them in a reasonable amount of time. The other cards seemed useless, so she moved them to the front of her hand.

Nick drew from the deck first and discarded. Cal did the same. When it was her turn, she picked up a card from the deck. It matched the thirteen she held, so she moved the set to the back of her hand and discarded an eight. Neiszhe picked it up, discarding a bird suit card Meaghan needed. After Nick took it and then discarded a two, ending his turn, she made her first request.

“The bird eleven, please,” she said, holding out her hand. He sighed and gave it up, accepting a two in turn. He scowled when he saw it, and then muttered something under his breath about getting even. She laughed, noting that Cal picked up the two Nick had discarded.

The game moved more quickly after that. Cards were picked up and discarded, grumblings and complaints were joined with laughter. Cal took the two from Nick that Meaghan had handed to him. Meaghan stole a bird nine from Neiszhe, and then she felt her heart jump on her next turn when Nick discarded the last bird card she needed to complete her run. She picked it up, but she could not lay her cards down yet. If she did, she would go out, and she still needed to request a card from Cal.

Her heart raced with excitement, but soon plummeted when Cal raised his hand and extended it toward her. “I’ll take that,” he told her. She cursed and handed it over, taking a useless card from him in turn. He promptly laid down his two sets and run of five, then applied his last card to the run Nick had laid down two turns before, during the same round that Cal had requested a card from Neiszhe that found its way to the discard pile shortly after. The move had puzzled Meaghan, but now that she had been defeated because she failed to meet the required trade rule in time, she understood. Cal did not need to cheat at this game. He was just as good at strategy as his brother, and Meaghan had never been able to beat James at chess either.

In Case You Wondered: A Conversation between Vivian and Meaghan

A final published work is rarely more than similar to its first draft. Throughout the editing process, words get trimmed, conversations change, entire scenes are deleted---all for the sake of smoother prose and a better storytelling experience. 

One such scene that met the edge of my axe came from the beginning of The Child Returns. Although many of my earliest beta readers enjoyed it (it didn't make the official beta round), the decision to cut it came out of a lengthy discussion with my editor regarding improving flow. Ultimately, we felt it slowed the pace down enough that the conversation became a footnote mention by Meaghan when she visits Nick's apartment after their fight. 

Meaghan cleared her throat. “Mom and I had a long discussion. It, um,” she dropped her eyes to the plate in her hands. “It seems I was being childish.”

Very little I delete from the final version is lost forever. I admit it. I'm a virtual pack rat. And because of that, I'm happy to share the first draft of Vivian's deleted conversation with you below. Enjoy!

Kristen

p.s. please keep in mind, this is a rough draft, as evidenced by the POV shifts; it hasn't been edited in any way, so tell your inner proofreader "hush"

********************

“HE’S A jackass.”

Vivian finished sliding her muffin tins into the oven and set the timer before she turned around. Anger filled Meaghan’s face, but pain filled her eyes. Rather than respond, Vivian went to her and held her. After a few minutes, she picked up a dish towel and handed it to her daughter to dry her eyes.

“I wanted this to work out between the two of you, but I think Nick has a lot of things to sort out. I promise you, he’s not doing this because he doesn’t care about you.” Taking Meaghan’s chin in her hand, she tilted it up so that she could look directly into her daughter’s eyes. So beautiful and so headstrong, she thought. “He’s been a good friend, hasn’t he?” Meaghan nodded. “Hold onto that then. Don’t lose your friendship because you’re hurt. And know that this is as hard on him as it is on you.”

“I don’t see how it could be,” Meaghan scoffed. “If he really wanted –”

“Sometimes people have to give up what they want to do what they feel is right,” Vivian interrupted. “Think, Meg. Think about your conversation in the living room. You have a gift for reading emotions. Are you going to stand here and tell me you didn’t sense his pain too?”

“I wasn’t paying attention,” Meaghan lied, then reconsidered when her mother raised an eyebrow in reproach. “He didn’t seem to want to leave,” she confessed. “But this is his choice, Mom. If he didn’t want to go, then he wouldn’t.”

“Do you really believe that?” Vivian asked. “Or are you taking that stance because it makes it easier for you to stay angry, and to let him go?” Meaghan’s eyes filled with tears and she looked away. Vivian took her back into an embrace. “I know this isn’t easy, and it’s harder on you because he won’t tell you why he’s leaving. But don’t let that ruin your relationship with him. I promise that you’ll see him again someday and when you do, you’ll regret not having him as a friend. Do you want that?”

“No.” Meaghan stepped back. “I just wish he trusted me enough to tell me what’s going on with him. I might be able to help him.”

“Maybe and maybe not,” Vivian responded. “It’s impossible for you to know. But Meg, this isn’t about trust. He just doesn’t feel he can talk about what’s going on. Let that be and do what you can by being there for him while he’s still here.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean let him know that you’re still his friend and that you’re available to him when he’s ready to talk.”

Meaghan nodded. “I will. I guess I owe him an apology.”

Vivian smiled and chucked her daughter’s chin. “That’s a good start. Wait a bit, though. The muffins will be out of the oven and you can bring them over to him.”

“A peace token?” Meaghan quipped.

“It wouldn’t be the first time muffins were used in that way,” Vivian chuckled. “I’ve certainly used them to bribe your father’s forgiveness in the past.” She turned toward the oven to check the timer. “Twenty minutes left, then they have to cool for a few minutes.” Turning back around, she kissed her daughter on the cheek then laid her palm there. “I’m proud of you, Meg. You’re a wonderful woman. I love you. Always remember that.”

“Of course, Mom. I love you too.” Meaghan returned her kiss. “Besides, I don’t know how I could ever forget. You’re always so wonderful to me.”

In Case You Wondered: The Ice Queen

I spend about 50% of my days living in a fantasy world, although I don't necessarily mean Ærenden. When I'm in the middle of writing a book, characters visit me---they sit shotgun in the car, they run alongside me on the treadmill, they prattle on while I'm sweeping the floor. But they don't hang around to fracture my already fragile sanity. They disrupt my life to tell me their stories in the hope I'll deem them worthy enough to include in a book.

Sometimes those characters become an integral part of my writing, like Cal. Others fade from memory as soon as they're done talking. And a third set falls in between. I want to include them, but for one reason or another, they wind up edited from print. One such character is the Ice Queen. She haunted me enough that I wrote a brief description of her, just to get her out of my head. 

Ice shapes her fingernails. Snowflakes form her lashes. And though her cheeks hint of frozen blood beneath frost-white skin, her eyes glimmer the truth of her life. They brighten with the glow of a thousand night stars while she crooks her finger, beckoning winter to become slave to her magic.

The initial outline of The Zeiihbu Master included her, instead of Anissa (the character depicted on my cover), but when it came time to write the scene, it morphed into something entirely different and Anissa sidled in from the corners of my mind. She's a sneaky one, a woman I would not want to try outmaneuvering.

So the Ice Queen lost, but she still visits sometimes. Maybe she'll appear in one of the last two books. Or maybe she'll have a short story of her own, like the original Spellmaster will soon. Who knows, but I do know she won't go away until her story is told. I think it'll be an interesting one. Don't you?

(p.s. this is one of those moments when I wish I could draw; I have such a clear image of her in my mind, but my stick figures just aren't doing her justice! If anyone can draw, feel free to give her a face :)) 

In Case You Wondered: How Adelina's Amulet Got to Earth

I’m starting a new blog series called "In Case You Wondered" that will provide background information and stories from the kingdom of Ærenden and its history. These posts are meant to be complementary to the books and sometimes will even provide readers with“bonus material”, content either deleted or considered but ultimately rejected in the novels. Below is one such scene, initially written as a prologue for THE CHILD RETURNS. Enjoy!